Rick Ames was the first in the long line of glory computer programmers. He was heavily into programming for glory and it was around the town. The elegance of Rick's programs knew no bounds; neither upper nor lower, and Rick knew it. What a man! He was a marvel of consistency and was as prolific as he was profound. Standards were as nothing to him and common practice was more of the same. Nothing stood in Rick's way -- in the way of obstacles. Rick stood up for progress and sat down for a good meal. When Rick rose for the national anthem, he was seated by an usher. Rick climbed the ladders of star-spangled success and plumbed the depths of icy imagination. Rick stood his friends a cool one on a hot day and bowed to the feet of inevitable fact. Of the things that could be done in the computer programming field, Rick did one of each, and he did them on his own terms. He cut the grass on his own lawn. He polished the surfaces of his shoes and put his pants on one leg at a time -- the time being soon after he put his shoes on, though sometimes he put on all his clothes at once and would walk shamelessly through the streets. But when Rick traveled, he went first class. When Rick needed a new suit, he bought the first one he saw.
What Rick Ames did was program computers better than they had ever been programmed -- it was that simple. His programs were everywhere. Of course his classic program set every number to zero. It was great! The program worked as follows: The computer would type,
N=?
Then the user could enter any number; the value could theoretically be anything -- it did not matter what. Then the computer would change the value of N to zero. Some people were skeptical. They wanted the computer to print out the new value of N so that they could see that it had been changed to zero. Rick felt that such a change would be both wasteful and confusing, so he comprimised by adding the printing of an informational message to the program so that the faithless could keep their pants on. Now the computer types out,
N is now equal to zero
at the completion of the program.
No one thought that a better program could be written, but Rick did it, barely twelve months later. A whole year had gone by. In Rick's second program, the user is able to give values to two variables, J and K. The computer then determines if J=K. If yes, then fine -- the computer sets both J and K to be equal to zero. If no, well then the computer makes J and K both be equal to the same number (5, for example -- then J=5 nd K=5). Then it sets both J and K to zero. When this has been accomplished, the computer types out the prepared statement,
J and K are now both the same number and they are both equal to zero as well.
Not one to be content with resting on his laurels, Rick is working this year on modifying both programs so that all the numbers involved will be closer to zero from start to finish.